my life in compartments

years ago in college, i remember one sunday driving with my (gay) friend andy. i had to drop off a cassette i had borrowed at a (platonic) friend's house. it was a newspaper friend, glen, and he lived in an odd house in a church parking lot. we went in, chatted a bit, and left. i guess my easy rapport with glen threw andy for a loop.

"i can't believe you have friends i don't know about," he said. "this shocks me."

"why?" i asked.

"because you are always with us," he said. "i had no idea."

this pleased me to no end. once again, i had kept worlds from colliding.

i have been doing this ever since i can remember. and i thought i was the only one until a few years ago.... a single fellow at work used to be very private and mysterious about what he did after hours. the girls at work would all tease him, ask him if he was dating anyone, why so secretive. i have two worlds, he said. work and not-work...and never the twain shall meet. i began to see there were more like me.

in high school i had my friends i had grown up with, and i had my alter-ego life that included misty, a friend who drove an unmarked police car, and cindy, my friend whose dad sold pot out of a garbage bag from their living room. we were good girls but we did like to go to clubs and hear bands play. and dance. and perhaps once in a while egg or toilet paper someone's house.

in college it got a wee bit more complicated because i had my high school friends, then my newspaper friends, and then my core-group of coolest-people-to-ever-walk-the-planet friends. i still did not want any crossover. because to me it was like having a plan B and C. like if one group didn't work out, i had something to fall back on.

flash-forward years later to me about to get married. and in planning a wedding i realize that four very distinct groups will collide: my mother's conservative church friends. my redneck relatives who have no filters. my rowdy college friends, also lacking filter and sometimes clothes. and my husband-to-be's filipino relatives.

this was my worst nightmare come to life. these people, all in one room, with alcohol. with me as the center of attention. and all that i could see myself taking from this coming together of peoples was a migraine headache and the mother of all culture clashes. no, this must never happen, this was the very reason for which elopement was invented.

and now for many years my worlds have not collided. and that is pretty much because they have all but ceased to exist. when you are busy shuffling off to swim team and baseball and scouting events, your world once again closes in and becomes rather small. manageable. aligned. until the internet invents something called facebook.

and here is the catch-22 of facebook: all the people you have ever met/known/seen/spoken to show up and want to be your friend. they all show up and look at your life, spy on your words, or maybe they participate and get in a facebook quarrel with someone they've never met. maybe someone who has loaned you a wig gets mad, threatens you and deletes your friendship. the praise-god christians show up to help you with your life. do you think i am kidding? sadly, all of this is fact.

it is, hands-down, the biggest intergalactic collision of worlds i have ever seen.

and now my worlds consist of college friends. old newspaper friends (from a real newspaper this time, not the college one). some cousins. and the PTO. yes, i know, it sounds like snoozer categories on jeopardy. and which of these does not fit? oh well that would be the PTO. they are lovely people, but they are not to be invited to the wedding. and by PTO i mean pretty much anyone associated with my kids' lives. they are in a compartment all their very own. i adore them, i see them everywhere i go, and that is why i do not need to see them every night on my computer.

i need my peace and quiet. and that quiet you hear? that is the sound of my worlds not colliding.