happy mother's day

today is my 9th time to celebrate mother's day. i woke up to the sounds of fighting and name-calling, and quite possibly a small crash or two. i wasn't counting, and it's a little blurry to me. i've been up an hour and neither has yet remembered what day it is, nor wished me happy mother's day.

but that's okay. i forgive them. i always do.

being a mother is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. it has taught me unconditional love, firsthand. how you can be so steam-blowing mad at someone, so frustrated, so completely at your wit's end, and then everything can turn on a dime. they hang their head. they need you to be the big man first. they are just these little people, trying to find their way between who they are and what you expect of them.

you are their idol. they speak of you, in your absence, with great reverence. my youngest will tell my mother, "but that's not the way my mom does it." referring to anything from making a grilled cheese sandwich to making a bed to how i wrap up leftover food in the kitchen.

and my oldest, by virtue of being the oldest and the one often put in charge, is the soldier you would want to be huddled with if you were ever stuck in a foxhole. he will never betray you. he is the one who makes me want to be a better person. and so often, i fall short.

but they forgive me. they always do.

and today i think of my own mother. who is kindness incarnate...

i think of my friends here who i've cried with on the phone. me crying. them crying. it's not always easy to be a mother...

i think of the mothers who have left, because they didn't know how to deal...

i think of the mothers who have died, or are incapacitated, because i know a couple of those, too...

i think of mothers who have had their hearts broken by their children, which is perhaps the worst heartbreak a woman could ever suffer...

...and, again, i thank god for giving me these two little crown jewels, to enjoy and protect for these few short years. because it's one of the greatest gifts imaginable.

happy mother's day.