a typical conversation

tonight my young son and i had the following conversation.

setting: home, getting ready to go to his baseball game. i have told both children to get into their team uniforms, then go to the garage where their filthy cleats are kept and be ready to roll out in five minutes.

me: "um, who has left their dirty clothes hither and yon all over the stairs?"

young one: "me. that would be me."

me: "so, do we have a maid now and no one told me this?"

young one: "no. no maid."

me: "ok, then who are you thinking is going to be picking all this up?"

young one: "i have no clue."

me: "here's a clue. it is not going to be me. because i am not a maid."

cut to scene 2. after the game, we are driving home. he has managed to spill half his cherry icee on the bleachers, the rest on the way to the car. i now hear him stabbing at what is left with the plastic spoon.

me: "if you had a million dollars when you grow up, would you want to have a maid live with you?"

young one: "why would i want a maid?"

me: "to pick up all the stuff you leave all over the house."

young one: "no. would you?"

me: "no, i would not. i pick up after myself."

young one: "me too."

okay, by this point i am very confused. and not quite willing to drop it. because now i am actually fascinated at what this young child might actually use his million dollars for.

cut to scene 3. at the dinner table, just me and him. he and i. whatever.

me: "so. if you had a million dollars, you really wouldn't want a maid?"

young one: "no. i'm not a slob."

me: "so then what would you use the money for?"

young one: "mainly food. and also, like if a bomb exploded, i would need it to pay my hospital bills."

he is completely serious. he keeps eating. i try to compose myself, not to laugh at his money choices.

people. i could not make this stuff up.

scene.