and a little child shall lead them

just as i was set to post about how my fourth-grade son constantly leads me back to the light, i see the dog cowered in the corner, shaking. he is in front of her with the greatly feared Darth Vader bank, that plays the Star Wars song loudly and ominously. he cannot help himself.

then i see a trail of no less than dozens of animal crackers, leading from beyond Darth Vader, up the stairs to where a trap is set for her. this is my dog's life. luckily she gets to sleep all day before the reign of terror begins. also, she gets to eat the animal crackers.

i am surprised at this child. he normally swoops in to save, and defend, and console. but he is just a boy, after all.....9 years old. and these things will happen.

this is a typical conversation between myself and the 9-year-old:

we are riding bikes to the dirt hill ramps in the park, but some big guys with remote-controlled cars have beat us there. they are jumping their cars off the ramps, creating quite the dust storm. we are all disappointed. i put my hands on my hips and look meanly at these big guys, hoping to scare them off. again, i realize i am not that scary looking.

so my first grader turns to me and says, i wish these dork-asses would just leave.

the 9-year-old is shocked. MOM, he says. did you HEAR what he said?

i am laughing. yes, i heard. and i totally agree with him. i remind the young one not to say dork ass in front of other people, but i rather enjoy his observations. my 9-year-old is disgusted with my lack of parenting, and his brother's lack of decorum. again.

there are times, many times, when i get completely disgusted or impatient with people we know. we are involved in lots of stuff -- we know lots of people, we have lots of interactions, on a daily basis. when one person does not hold up their end of a job, it can make all the other dominoes in the line fall down. i see this in scouts. i see this at school. i see this in our family. i see it in everything we are involved in.

and i speak up about it. and many times my son, the 9-year-old, will come to me and say, mom. just forgive them.

where did he learn this from? i would be lying to say that he learned it from me. i have taught him a great many good habits, all of which he takes to like a fish to water, but this undying kindness is not one of them. he has learned it, i dare say, in spite of me.

other times, i am worn out by bedtime. just exhausted and hoping for a quick story, so that i may return to whatever is so pressing at hand. and at these times, do you know what this child will pick for us to do together? read the children's bible. he will pull it carefully off of his shelf and turn to me and say, i want us to read the bible tonight.

and i will say, okay, which story do you want to hear? but i know the answer.

let's start at the beginning. always. we always start at the beginning. in fact, i think we've read the first few stories of the bible probably 50 times, never making it too far past noah.

and the other thing he does that just kills me softly is defend his brother. even when his brother has sold him out. there is frequent fighting in a house with boys: yelling, shoving, punching, tackling. sometimes for no reason at all. sometimes just because you look so happy sitting there, the little one will decide you need to be punched in the gut. hard.

this will result in a scream of pain and surprise, ends with scuffling, running, crying. mother yelling. GO TO YOUR ROOMS. WHO STARTED THIS? if the younger one started it, there is always just silence. the older one is loyal, like a soldier to his troop, and will not sell you out. this may explain his popularity at school. why at least seven boys all consider him their very best friend. he will take the hit for you. and frequently does.

here is another great irony: he was a very difficult baby. so much so that the crying made me wonder if i would make it through in one piece. the crying lasted nine months. nine months. and that was both of us crying, in case you're wondering.

he forgave me for being a clueless mother. he will tell me things like, you're the best mom i ever had. you look pretty, mom. this is a delicious meal, mom. well, thank god he has nothing to compare me to.

he is the reason we go to church. he is the reason we all get up on time. he is a leader to many, in a very small little body. when the kids at school were told to write about someone who they think is a hero, one indian boy chose to write about ben. so he ranks right up there with presidents and visionaries, at least to those of us who know him.